So I've decided to do this exercise by Nathaniel Branden. Just rapid sentence completions and it's supposed to be very enlightening about my own inner thoughts and therapeutic. I'm not supposed to worry whether the end sentences makes any sense or not. Just rapid endings and whatever comes to mind. I think it's to uncover what underlies in my subconscious mind.

Here goes:

1. Sometimes looking back over my life I can hardly believe that  at one time I:

decided to let myself go.

let myself be screwed over.

suffered so much.

let myself be so unhappy.

let myself be ridiculed.

let myself become so oblivious.

hated myself.

2. It's not easy for me to be self-accepting when I...

lie to myself.

block my own words.

worry too much of what others' think.

try to rely on others for approval.

run from myself.

when I pick at my flaws.

compare myself to others.

hate myself so much.

act desperate.

3. One of my emotions I have trouble accepting is...

pain

anger

jealousy

fear

happiness

boredom

sadness

hurt

content

4. If I were more honest about my wants and needs...

I would be less angry.

I wouldn't be so repressed.

I wouldn't worry so much of what others' may think of me.

I wouldn't hate other people for not measuring up to my expectations.

I would respect and accept people for the way they are.

I would do things for myself.

I would be afraid everyone would leave me.

I would feel so lonely.

I would love myself.

I would respect who I am.

I wouldn't hate myself so much.

I would be more spontaneous.

I would be more productive.

I would be more creative.

I would care less and think more.

5. The scary thing about self-accepting is...

the responsibility that entails (to accept flaws means taking steps and doing something about them).

being alone.

judging for myself.

that I could be wrong.

there are mistakes that can't be overlooked anymore.

being by myself and thinking for once.

people can hate me.

no more suffering.

6. The good thing about self-accepting might be...

liberation.

learning to think for myself.

not basing my thoughts on others' approvals or dis-approvals.

I wont be so afraid anymore.

I can love others.

I can love myself.

I wouldn't run all the time.

I would be more relaxed.

I would take charge of my own life.

I wouldn't mettle in irrelevant things.

I would accomplish things.

I wouldn't be afraid to make mistakes.

7. I am beginning to feel...

anxious

at peace with myself

calmer

hopeful

confident

happy

less lonely

not afraid

happy in my own skin

confused

sad

joy

liberated


I will attempt this again.

Omg, feeling so sick.

Alright, so I've decided to come up with the list of why I should get a divorce.

Legit Reasons:

1. He has a fucking temper, esp. when he drinks. He gets verbally and physically violent.

2. He snores. Not the normal, soft snore. I can't fucking sleep next to him. Omg, he used to plaster his body against mine and would sweat on me. And he would grab my breast like a brute and get mad if I push him away. Fucking prick. Don't fucking touch me!

3. His feet smells so fucking bad. It's like I've gotten punched in the stomach whenever I get a whiff. And to make things worse, he doesn't take a shower or wash his feet when he comes home, right away. WTF. I can't tolerate that shit!

4. When it's my turn to use the car, there is barely any gas and I'm running late. It's like, he goes out of his way to fuck me in the neck.

5. Whenever there is a very important event for me, he starts acting out the night before. For example, the night before my state board exam. He comes home drunk. I tell him to go out to the car and sleep because surely, I can't sleep with his snoring. He freaks out on me and breaks all of the bathroom mirrors. He then comes over to kick my exam kit on the floor, like a troll. I was only able to sleep 1.5 hours. What an inconsiderate ass. Also, on the day of my graduation... he doesn't come because he has to work. That's fine because I didn't want him there. However, he has the nerve to call me in the middle of prepping and ask if I can think of an American name for him. WTF?!

6. He locks his phone but demands to snoop through mine. He doesn't trust me and I don't care enough to not trust him or trust him. No, scratch that. I don't trust him but I don't care enough to do anything about my mistrust. He could be going out and meeting any girl... I simply don't care and more power to him.

7. He pressures me to have sex with him every fucking day. I'd rather die than have his micro-penis get shoved up my part. For instance, I would give him excuses day after day. The really legit one was that I was going to start putting out after my license. Thank god I am sick right now because that would be another legit excuse piled on top of another excuse. However, he thinks I'm only trying to escape. No, not only that but nature is also helping me out! I don't know for how long, though.

If I had the money, I would be out of here in the blink of an eye.

Just counting down the days...

I remember being stuck in a similar situation before... when I was 18. However, it was with this psychotic girl. It took me 2 years to flee from her. I'll blog about that later.

I am pmsing so bad and I'm being a bitch left and right.

This one's reserved for my other private blogging site but maybe I'll post it in Xanga. I need to share this because I think I'm going to explode. Then again, maybe not... >.<

I just hope to get out of this mess alive.

I'm feeling sexy and free
Like glitter's raining on me
You're like a shot of pure gold
I think I'm bout to explode
I can taste the tension like a cloud of smoke in the air
Now I'm breathing like I'm running cause you're taking me there
Don't you know...you spin me out of control
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
We can do this all night
Damn this love is skin tight
Baby come on

Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Boomin' like a bass drum
Sparkin' up a rhythm
Baby, come on!
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Rock my world until the sunlight
Make this dream the best I've ever known
Dirty dancing in the moonlight
Take me down like I'm a domino
Every second is a highlight When we touch don't ever let me go
Dirty dancing in the moonlight Take me down like I'm a domino
You got me losing my mind
My heart beats out of time
I'm seeing Hollywood stars
You strum me like a guitar
I can taste the tension like a cloud of smoke in the air
Now I'm breathing like I'm running cause you're taking me there
Don't you know...you spin me out of control
Ooh ooh ooh ooh

We can do this all night

Damn this love is skin tight
Baby come on

Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Boom'n like a bass drum
Sparkin' up a rhythm
Baby, come on!
Ooh ooh ooh ooh
Rock my world until the sunlight
Make this dream the best I've ever known
Dirty dancing in the moonlight
Take me down like I'm a domino
Every second is a highlight
When we touch don't ever let me go
Dirty dancing in the moonlight
Take me down like I'm a domino

Can't stop listening to this! I am obsessed!!!



You roam the city free, with a bigger dream Yeah You keep on drifting through, seeking something new I'm here You want what's brighter than the summer sky Whiter than moonlight on a winter's night Deeper than the deep sea, so what if wishes came true for you? Adam and Eve would toss the apple away, the earth would turn the other way You'd live up far on some barren star, but down below you might hear us laughing I'll give you all you're wanting so bad, hold out your hands, whisper a prayer Can you feel forever and ever? Rejoice, be glad. Rejoice and be glad. Wanting to come down, you're not finding ground...

Today, today, today. Oh, what a day. So nothing bad really happened as suspected. However, I did struggle on my outlines and fringe (as usual). I had the teacher take over. When I stepped back and said to myself, "I still see some lines that needs to be cleaned up." The teacher immediately goes, "I'm not doing it for you, hahaha." No shit. I was going to do it, anyway. After all, it WAS my model. However, I really appreciated her help and brilliant skills. I realized that I'm still rocky without a second-hand trained eye. Anyway, I'm happy. Will upload pics tomorrow.

An old friend canceled to come to my grad. Whatever. So I guess no one is coming after all. That's fine. We all breathe and die alone. I don't need anyone to be there for me.

There is much more on my chest... but I'd rather not let it out.

Haha, everyone was dying with my Taylor Swift music playing over the sound system. One guy even threatened to jump out the window. I was slightly peeved and offended.

Okay, fingers crossed for tomorrow!!! I hope I don't do something stupid like tripping on the cat walk... or worse... my stiletto falls off! *knock on wood*